bukaw - “owl”
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006stayin’ late is not uncommon. most of the time, when you’re alone, in a place far too different from the one you came from it plunges you to become one like a "bukaw". killing time is what i do best to cope up and perhaps to unburden myself with all these shits around that somewhat drowning me in blues and tragic manipulation of my thoughts. alone i am, that is a fact. homesick all the time, that is true. drowning in sorrow — well, dammit i want out!
like an OWL i force myself to stay awake… tinker with my keyboard, force to write something just to drift away from the emotioms overwhelming me with sorrow. for almost six years i am not sure if being alone in this place would lead me to my ultimate prize of an able and conmfortable life.
i wanted to be numb of all these emotions… bugs me around all the time. that is why, instead of imprisoning and inflicting emotional torture to my soul, here i am at 5:30 in the morning updating my website, adding more links and discovering new ideas and learning other things. well, updating this blog is another thing. digging my brains of forgotten vocabulary, forgive my grammatical blunder… it’s been decades since i last find myself sucked in the bravados of rhetoric self expression.
among other things, visiting my reciprocal links and websites made by my Kababayans (Antique) seemed theraphy enough to my upsurging emotional outbreak. added news headlines to Encarnacion website courtesy of Dennis Lazo (www.dennislazo.com). got a postage from iririmawtatun yahoo group that somehow my initiative to put up a website for my family’s lineage is indeed significant … rediscovering your roots is perhaps a long trek to the mountains of nowhere but i guess in the end it would bear fruits a hundredfold….
like an owl i am awake
in the wee hours of the morning
i force my eyelids open
afraid that if i drift away in the abyss of sleep
nightmares of emotional torture
would envelope my soul weary enough
to withstand the lashings
of a life filled with disarray…
i ran in fear and anguish
there’s nowhere to hide
soaked in antagonistic drizzles of emotions
battles never won lost in the sand of time
but i drilled on hoping to find
the "holy grail" of lifes endless crusade!!!
