Drizzled EMOTIONS ! ! !

At last, after several weeks of preparation, weeks of sleepless nights, weeks of toil… CAP inspection has concluded. And who bagged the most citations??? Well, topnotcher was Micro and several from General Lab.

Chemistry got through with one recommendation corrected on-site… levey-jennings for the Wescor Sweat Conductivity. It’s funny though, we have maybe a couple of tests per month and sometimes nothin’ at all yet we have to plot the levey-jennings for that… requirement so to speak. We actually have more controls ran than actual specimen … moreso with calibration…

Immunochemistry made it once more. For the first time Molecular/PCR section made it with nothing at all … not a single recommendation and citation. Whola!!! It is an excellent farewell for Abdou… job well done!!!  See you in Jeddah!!!

Bloodbank made it with one recommendation. Has something to do with overseeing the promptness and correctness of the transfusion process carried out by the nurses. For about 20 transfusions done, there must be at least one having been observed by the Bloodbank technologist.

Histology and Cytology escaped with few recommendations corrected on-site. Hematology made it too with nothin’ … no citation and recommendation.

Microbiology, whoala!!! They bagged 5 Phase 2 citations and 2 Phase 1 citations, mostly corrected on-site. General Lab have several recommendations and citations.  All recommendations and citations must be cleared in a period of time… any citations to be contested must be done so in order to get a fair and justifieable results of the recently concluded College of American Pathologists (CAP) re-inspection at Al Hada Armed Forces Hospital Laboratory.

I hope this would be the last CAP for me … here … too much proficiency but nothing at all about compensations and benefits … who would be inspired and motivated ??? Nah!!! not me for sure … hope i can leave this place soon …

see you all around !!!

wazzup doc? been a while since i last scribbled…

well, quite busy preparing for the CAP Inspection. so much fuss, and much things to do and be prepared for. QC, levey-jennings, correlations, manuals, updates and all that. a lot to be done with but too little time to do everything … this is my third CAP re-inspection while working in this "sinking ship" and i guess i’m getting tired … need to get myself goin’ somewhere. i hope this would be my last one …

tell you more after the inspection…but for now, need to do my part and share whatever i have for the sake of being family… ciao!!!

aurevoir!!!!

arividir ci!

stayin’ late is not uncommon. most of the time, when you’re alone, in a place far too different from the one you came from it plunges you to become one like a "bukaw". killing time is what i do best to cope up and perhaps to unburden myself with all these shits around that somewhat drowning me in blues and tragic manipulation of my thoughts. alone i am, that is a fact. homesick all the time, that is true. drowning in sorrow — well, dammit i want out!

like an OWL i force myself to stay awake… tinker with my keyboard, force to write something just to drift away from the emotioms overwhelming me with sorrow. for almost six years i am not sure if being alone in this place would lead me to my ultimate prize of an able and conmfortable life.

i wanted to be numb of all these emotions… bugs me around all the time. that is why, instead of imprisoning and inflicting emotional torture to my soul, here i am at 5:30 in the morning updating my website, adding more links and discovering new ideas and learning other things. well, updating this blog is another thing. digging my brains of forgotten vocabulary, forgive my grammatical blunder… it’s been decades since i last find myself sucked in the bravados of rhetoric self expression.

among other things, visiting my reciprocal links and websites made by my Kababayans (Antique) seemed theraphy enough to my upsurging emotional outbreak. added news headlines to Encarnacion website courtesy of Dennis Lazo (www.dennislazo.com). got a postage from iririmawtatun yahoo group that somehow my initiative to put up a website for my family’s lineage is indeed significant … rediscovering your roots is perhaps a long trek to the mountains of nowhere but i guess in the end it would bear fruits a hundredfold….

like an owl i am awake

in the wee hours of the morning

i force my eyelids open

afraid that if i drift away in the abyss of sleep

nightmares of emotional torture

would envelope my soul weary enough

to withstand the lashings

of a life filled with disarray…

i ran in fear and anguish

there’s nowhere to hide

soaked in antagonistic drizzles of emotions

battles never won lost in the sand of time

but i drilled on hoping to find

the "holy grail" of lifes endless crusade!!!

YOU

Staring the bright blue sky,

Asked myself,

What is my life’s purpose?

Shivered at the thought,

No answer…

Can’t rationalize

Ain’t no substance,

Is it a waste?

Ah, I am dismayed.

I’m a drifter

No destination,

Soul disarrayed

Great destruction!!!

Disillusioned…

Outraged, appalled!

Is this life?

Where am I going?

Drowned in sorrow

Afloat in the abyss Of disbelief.

Searched myself

Amidst hays of fears.

Can’t find the answers

What is my question?

Where do I begin?

Who am i?

I am full of shit!

Nothing further,

no can say…

what about?

Embers of gray

Shades of blue

Sorrowed by

Disgust…

Shocked by disdain!

Mournful soul,

Soulless caricatures.

Mocked by ignorance

Stigmatized !

Character indelible

Ink of the soul…

Belief of my fathers

Questioning???

What about me?

Myriads of my being

Butterflies in the drizzle

Clinging shits in my brain

Nostalgic memoirs

Nowhere to be recovered

Chained to my heart

The errors of creation

Imperfect Caligula

That is what it is called

The question of WHO I AM,

Say you know that…

But bedazzled by nothing

Coz nothing is answerable

Just believe,

That life is but,

A shit in your mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

working abroad is excruciatingly difficult. being alone in a place without anybody to console you in times of trouble and tribulations could drive you mad, in arabic "maginum" or "karban." the only source of your strength and inspiration would be your family, which is the primary reason why you went to work abroad in the first place. oh yeah, the family…

a hypothetical question; "so what if your family, whom you so devotedly love, sacrificed for, your primary reason for all the difficulties and trials you try to battle along alone in a foreign land — would only look at you as the "feeding bottle", "wallet", "piggy bank", (tell me more) … as many OFWs here are experiencing. gruesome isn’t it??? that’s right! a lot of OFWs here in KSA say that! their families look on them as "money" … like we are mining gold in KSA. but that is not the reality. most of us here are "bleeding to death" just to make sure that we give whatever our family wants, just to provide them with enough comfort and forsaking our own. that is the truth! we are alone, no friends, no family, no one! who would come to our rescue when we feel the weight of the world is upon us? who would aid us in our hours of tribulation? who would come to comfort us when we are sad, hurting, and lonely?  who would be there to take care of us when we are sick? alas! so many whos! but a single answer remains — nobody!!! alone we are, and so shall we be for the rest of our working saga in the land of the Arabs.

i feel so sorry for those who in the midst of this hypothetical question, gave up, gave in, lost their minds - literally, and succumb to the trials. oh yes! name whatever you have in mind and you’ll find out for sure that it is a reality. thank God that for the past five years, i have been so blessed with a wonderful family that has been my sole strength and inspiration amidst all these trials. thank God, al hamdu lilah! for my wonderful daughter and the best partner ever - Harly H.

oh yes! friends! i almost forget. friendster is just wonderful that for a decade, i am beginning to get in touch with my buddies in college. how wonderful it is to see your good ‘ol friends again after so long a time. i am delighted that most of them are MDs and accomplished professionals now. how time flies so fast nay? there’s this one lady in particular that i just recently got connected to. she was a good friend back in CEU college of Medtech, a memory of her makes me smile for the one heck of stupidity i did that made her so mad. one day after our classes winded up, the three of us talked about watching a movie at a nearby FEU movie house. but unfortunately the other guy friend didn’t show up for some valid excuse, and the two of us proceeded as planned ‘nyways. was it "the other woman" ??? i guess it was the title or so … while in the middle of the movie, suddenly the building shook, an earthquake!!! well, that was 1991 when Baguio was dilapidated. stupid as it was, I hardly thought that I was with a lady, I hurriedly lifted myself out of the chair and went along with the others out of the movie house only realizing halfway that I left someone in her seat. voilah! she was furious! i was no gentleman in that instant. was it fear or what!!! well, that is too good a memory to reminisce a good ‘ol friend. tell me if you still r’member. hehehe!

peace!!!

                                                      "once in my life i was hurtin,’

                                                      in case you haven’t noticed.

                                                      but now, i’m alright…

                                                      all things are becoming clearer,

                                                      as radiant as a soft morning sun.

                                                      all the hurt i felt are gone now,

                                                      i am but catapulated to a new heights.

                                                      a new life is beckoning…

                                                      because you are for real,

                                                      you have come into focus.

                                                      you are not a silhouette anymore…"

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here’s for you partner… Harly H.

reminiscent of my hurtin’ saga…

those were the days…

i look in your eyes i saw

a tear starts to fall.

blamin’ myself that i made you cry again,

i’m so sorry that i hurt you again.

baby, i know, that this time we’ll gonna be apart.

why is it that you can’t see,

that you hurt me too.

sleepin’ alone is too much for me to take (was it 6 months?),

you ain’t sorry for everthin’ that you did.

oh why can’t you feel?

that i’m slowly drownin’ away.

ref.

have we lost that lovin’ feelin’

you slowly driftin’ away.

and i, drownin’ in my sorrow.

why can’t we talk,

forget about our differences.

let’s heal the wounds,

and LOVE again.

there’s nothin else that i could do,

but love you true….

                                                                        unfinished… still finishin’ up….

today i received a gift, an early x-mas gift from my better half. i must admit, this is one of the very few moments that i could consider a miracle, a blessing from above! know why? because my partner is not the person who often gives gift, and this one really elated me to the max because of the symbolism of the "present" she gave me. she said — "a belt symbolizes the strength of our love for each other." really, this statement from her made me more than just happy. it has given me more strength and the will to battle the odds that forever lingers around …

hey, i had never received a gift like this in my entire life… so spare me my moments…hehehe! much more that it came from the person that has given me much reason to live and enjoy life …

thank you very much that whenever i feel discouraged, whenever i feel the weight of the world around me, you are there to easen my load, you and KAYE, have always been my courage and my strength amidst the turmoils that beseiged me from time to time. not one word could ever express the love i have for both of you… you’re all i live for, you are my life.!!!

the other day i got this alltime collection of mine from a very good friend. man! it’s a six album collection of mp3 muzic by SADE. whew! this is something fantastic. i really love to listen to this artist — smooth soothing and relaxing …

1. diamond life
2. greatest hits
3. love deluxe
4. lover’s rock
5. promise
6. stronger than pride

being alone here, this collection really aids me to easen my grief… if you know SADE, man — you’ll die of envy. you’ll be looking all around but find it futile completing this list. bet yah, you also wanted to have all these albumss!! hehehe!

i have loved you from the first time i saw you,

that love has never changed.

still my heart yearns for the feeling,

being in love is what i live for — with you.

you were so beautiful then,

that beauty i saw in you

still glistens even as our wedding ring

fades into vagueness…

too many times we were tested,

too many waking hours we have spent.

your silence is deafening,

it pierces thru down deep inside.

i love to hear you shout,

i need to see your anger.

because your emotions meant otherwise,

that your love for me is real.

you hurt me deep,

but perhaps you haven’t seen that.

i cry mysel alone,

yet most of the time i laid it out openly.

i can’t hurt you back,

i’d rather find myself hurting

than seeing you cry.

you brought me sorrow,

you brought me happiness,

but most importantly,

you gave me reason to live,

you gave your life to me,

you have given me Kaye…

there is nothing else i could ask for,

but grow old with you … forever!

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